I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
Randomize
