I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
She even gives head with a lisp.
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
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