Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
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