He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
Randomize
