Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
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I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
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She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
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