we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
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