No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
Randomize
