she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
Randomize
