hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
Randomize
