Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
You can't special order awesome
I love how my cats smell like pot.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
Randomize
