Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Randomize
