So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
Randomize
