i just snorted my name. best moment ever
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
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