Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
