Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
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