So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
i need some magic done to my vagina
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
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