We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
