Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
Randomize