put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
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