My underwear smells like fireworks.
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
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