dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
Randomize
