And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
Randomize
