he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
