Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
