and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
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