Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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