Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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