I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
