Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
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