I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
Randomize
