nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
I wear drunk well.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
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