i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
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