yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
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