That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
