well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
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Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
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There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
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