Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
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