I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
I'm getting married
To pizza
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
Randomize
