Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
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