I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
Houston, we have a squirter
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
We're hate flirting, damnit.
Randomize
