mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
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