If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
Randomize
