Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
My liver just had a heart attack.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
Randomize
