Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize
