soooo we both peed the bed last night...
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
Randomize
