omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
Randomize
