I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
Randomize
