I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
Randomize
