What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
