I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
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