why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
Randomize
