have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
I came so hard my ears popped.
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
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