Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
Randomize
