You're my little dorito
real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
Randomize
