Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
Randomize
