I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
Randomize
