conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
Randomize
