What a fucking waste of an outfit
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Randomize
