i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
Randomize
