There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
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Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
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