I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
i just sent this text using only my big toe
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
I touched a dick in church today
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
Randomize
