Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Randomize
